This hurts more than I expected
I know, 16 days does not make a month. Sorry, no awards for me.
I don’t think my immediate family reads over here anymore, which is fine, especially today. I can’t say anything on Facebook (would you like to read my over-the-top political ramblings over there? If I “know” you via the blog, I’d be happy to add you…) because, well, you’ll see in a minute. So this has become my secret space (except for you, Consort. if you’re still here, that’s fine. So I suppose what I meant at the top of the paragraph was: I don’t think the girls read over here anymore.).
We are hyphenated people. Imperatrix-Consort. Thing is, we didn’t start out that way (first we went with Imperatrix as our middle name, Consort as our surname), then we switched over, but in between the girls were born so although we all go around as Imperatrix-Consort, on the girls’ social security cards they are listed as Imperatrix (middle name) Consort (surname).
This has blown up in Impera’s face as she began the path towards college. Her school has her hyphenated, but all the college tests she took (the alphabet soup of SAT, ACT, AP, etc.) were under the Consort-only name (you need to show your ID [and for her Driver’s License she had to show her SSN]). So she’s had issues with partial files in the Admissions departments ( for the 3 early action schools she applied to), warning emails that she had 36 hours to get everything in before the deadline (everything was in, just part under one name and part under the other). Tonight she said she was switching all her paperwork to Consort-only.
And I cannot stop crying. I’m hiding out in the office because it is her decision, and she already knows this decision hurt me, and there’s no reason to rub it in or use emotion to make her change her mind, but every time I think I’ve got things under control, my eyes get red again.
I knew the name wouldn’t last forever. She would probably meet someone and they would probably make name decisions, one way or another. But right now it would be so easy to officially get things fixed at Imperatrix-Consort. Not much more difficult at all.
I am Imperatrix. Her choosing to cast that part off is hard. The Consort just peeked in the office, and he says I seem to be taking this personally. Yes. Of course I am. I don’t know how else I could take it. Because if Imperatrix wasn’t important to who I consider myself to be, then why would I have considered it as any part of our name — either middle name or surname?
I am just so sad. And that’s all there it to it.