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Word Wednesday: Consultantspeak

27 May 2009

Imagine my surprise when I experienced a perfect Word Wednesday incident this morning! (When was the last time we had one of those, huh?) But this isn’t exactly new material. I’ve complained about some of the same types of things years ago.

This morning I went with the Consort to spend a few hours at our local coffeehouse. As a freelancer, sometimes it’s fun to mix it up a little and get out of that same old office. (And I get a nice large latte out of the deal, too.) Sadly, the last booth happened to be next to two consultants who were networking. Actually, one was networking, the other was just bragging about his past projects (“When I was working at my pharmaceutical company…” “You’d probably like my next book; it’s all about systems markets…”). The bragger was the louder of the two, but the conversation as a whole was so loud that after a while I just started typing some of the stupider things they were saying—to share these tidbits with you, of course!

  • If you want to grow a good PM, get an IT guy [is that anything like growing dahlias?]
  • Do you know Joe Smith? … Sure, but I haven’t interfaced with him in at least 5 years [Interface? What are you guys, robots from Terminator?]
  • When I worked in the Omaha market [and he sure didn’t mean the weekly farmers market!]
  • I’m doing a webinar for XYZ Company next month… [“webinar” *shudder*]
  • …In fact, I’m a webinar neophyte – I suppose I could say I’m losing my webinar virginity next month yuk, yuk, yuk [be thankful that I have refrained from sharing the sexual innuendo riff that this comment unleashed in these two…]
  • My information’s on my Facebook account. [Facebook account??? No one calls it a Facebook account. What a poseur.]

And they finished their conversation off by discussing the privacy that Facebook has built into the system, which marketers like them are hustling to find workarounds for, so they can sell your private information to clients.

Blech.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 28 May 2009 6:08 am

    Have you ever come across “productionalize”? Luckily, I’ve been spared that one myself, but my husband was forced to use that word at a previous job. I think he still has nightmares about it.

  2. 28 May 2009 6:39 am

    Blech is right, although I admire your spying skills. I can just picture what these two bozos look like, too…

  3. Peaceable Imperatrix permalink*
    30 May 2009 1:48 pm

    Productionalize? What is it with these people and “-ize”? Lordy, lordy!

    My spying was super-sneaky, because it just looked like I was typing away, doing my work on my laptop. FBI, you can call me anytime for tips!

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