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The Pets

24 July 2007

Split Sister wondered how the pets were adjusting to their new home. How about we ask them?

Zephyr, what do you think of New Hampshire so far?

“It wasn’t me!
“…Uhhhh, I mean– Hi!
“Yeah, we like the glider chair, and — as you can see — Loki and I share it very well. We love to share. Yep. We do. Because I wouldn’t force him out of it if he were in it first; even if that is what my people do to me every. single. day. here.
“Oooh! and I love the long walks they take me on. The other day, they even took me for a walk in the woods. Down a dirt road. And when a car drove past, I ZOOMED after it. Hah! My first chance to chase one of those things where I wasn’t stuck behind a stupid fence. I eventually returned to my people. They didn’t seem worried about me taking my time. They’re good people. (Even if they do kick me out of my favorite glider.)”

Loki, how about you? The change has been more drastic for you: You used to be an outdoor cat, and now you’ve been kept inside, seeing as the apartment is on a busy street.

“Mmmmm, it’s been fine, man, fine. I’m still working my way down that incredible high, so spending time inside is cool.

Man, did I hallucinate on that trip. I felt like I was in this big plastic box for — like, days on end, man. The box kept shimmy-shammying for hours. It seemed like every couple of hours, we’d stop, and a bowl of water would appear — POOF! — and I’d look at it, and it would look back, and I could, like, drown in the ripples, man. It was so … intense!

“But I’d blink and — POOF! — the water would be gone, and the world was all shimmy-shammying, and the plastic box was everywhere, man. It was like an existentialist nightmare, man — even … an existentialist nightstallion — yeah, that’s what it was. Unbefuckinleivable.

“So, yeah, it’s cool, man, it’s cool. The loco dog keeps flipping out when the folks leave the house and all, and once they even left this door open? And I looked at the opening? And the dog was right there next to me, man. And she’s all ‘Let’s go!’ and I’m like, ‘Where?’ And she says ‘To follow the people, man!’ And I’m like, ‘Duuuuuuuuude. That, my friend, is the door to Hell, man. We just got to stay the hell away from it.’ You know?

“Peace out, man. I’m just gonna chill on this glider for a while.

“Yo….”

And there you have it. In their own words.

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