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Shrubbery Murder

25 August 2006

The other day, Impera came in and said, “I think you should come look at the bushes on the side of the house.”

So I did, and this is what I saw:

Somebody had driven over half of the shrubbery. WTF?!!! You can even see the tire marks in the grass.

It’s not like the bushes had any agenda. They didn’t stick out roots to people’s legs as they walked down the alley. They didn’t drop sticky bits on unsupecting lovebirds. They just said, “Here is a boundary. What lies above this retaining wall is private property. We just help you remember where the edges of the alley are. Just call us the Happy Friendly Shrubberies. La la la.” (They never did have a good grasp of compound plural nouns.)

But they didn’t go down without a fight, oh no they didn’t:

The picture is kind of blurry, but do you see that rusty brown metal post? It held up some wire that helped the bushes keep their shape. It looks to me like when the idiot shrub murderer came through, the post was bent down by the front bumper, but then came up a bit and scraped the bottom of the offending vehicle. (At least, that’s what I hope happened. And I hope it messed up some integral part of the vehicle. So there.)

The Consort plans to put in a new line of shrubs in the spring. I plan to help him out. And I will plant long, sharp nails, pointy-side up, all along the retaining wall. That’ll learn’m. Or at least, slow their getaway enough that I can get out there and catch their license plate number. Hoo boy! *she rubs her hands together*

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