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Why I May Not Have Many Friends

23 August 2006

Did you hear? They’ve decided to withdraw Pluto as a planet.

What! Just the other day they said they would be adding three more.

Well, that was the recommendation of one group, but this other group has…

I mean, come on, “My very energetic mother just made us nine?” What kid of sense does that make?

How about, “… made us num-nums”?

(Rolls eyes.) And Pluto has a moon!

Yeah, Sharon, and…

I thought it was said “Karen”.

Whatever. And, I agree with you, the definition should be, If you have a moon…

…then you’re a PLANET! How hard is that?

Well, but if they kept Pluto in then they’d have to add in these asteroids, and then there’d be the whole Kweeper Belt, and…

I thought it was Kipe-er. Otherwise that would be “vewy kweepy.” (Heh heh.)


If you, like me, are distraught by this ridiculous turn of events, I suggest you read one of today’s Op-Ed pieces in the New York Times. It’s called “I Heart Pluto”. Some tantalizing tidbits:

“[N]o way was I or anyone else about to un-memorize anything we’d already been forced to learn in elementary school. More important, I felt sure that, as former children, we all instinctively respected the principle: no do-overs.”

“And I am second to no one in my respect for Charon, but come on: it’s obviously Pluto’s moon. Now they’re proposing to designate it a ‘large companion,’ which sounds like the sort of euphemistic legal status the court might grant to Oliver Hardy and can’t be doing Charon’s self-esteem one bit of good. ‘Longtime companion’ would have been more dignified and validating.”

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