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Trixie, Vampire Delayer: Conclusion

30 March 2006

Previously, on Trixie, Vampire Delayer:
Trixie: “This is so scary this is soscarythisissoscary…”
Imperatrix: “Do you want us to stop the video?”
Trixie: “No! It’s great!”
[…]
Trixie: “I can’t sleep because I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!”

And now, the conclusion:

After one night of indulging Trixie’s need to sleep in her parents’ bed, we knew we had to put a stop to it (Well, I did. The Consort, as I mentioned, slept like a baby in Trixie’s bed.). I figured I’d try reason.

Imperatrix: “Trixie, remember how when you were afraid of someone coming into the house to kill you?”
Trixie: “Yes…”
Imperatrix: “And we told you that we’d hear them on our squeaky stairs?”
Trixie: “Yes…”
Imperatrix: “And even if they were able to sneak up the stairs, they’d get to our room first, so you’d be safe because they’d have to deal with us?”
Trixie: “Yes… But … How do I know YOU aren’t a vampire?”

Strike one. So, we left the girls to brainstorm. Impera, nothing if not a seasoned problem-solver, told her sister, “Don’t worry, vampires can’t come in unless they are invited.”

“Yeah, well maybe it’s someone YOU invited into the house another time, and they plan to come back to get ME!” Trixie replied. Impera couldn’t deny this possibility, so they kept their thinking caps on. Strike two.

Trixie then recalled from Buffy that crucifixes swayed in front of vampires seemed to keep them at arm’s distance. Even Buffy wears a simple crucifix around her neck. Now, our house is pretty thin on crucifixes. But wait! When we were in DC last winter, Trixie had stopped in a fancy bead shop, and she had purchased several pendants: some wooden animals, large glass bead shapes, and an ornate metal cross! She found a chain, and immediately adorned her neck with this ginormous cross.

OK. That was a good beginning. Then the girls got more and more excited about recreating Buffy’s tools. Now, no vampire slayer worth her salt ever leaves the house without a stake (Buffy even carries one in her backpack at school). Eureka! The girls ran to the bathroom and Trixie grabbed an orangewood cuticle stick. Crucifix: check. Stake: check check!!

But Trixie needed something else. Because when she was asleep, she wouldn’t be wearing the cross, right? And even if she was allowed to fall asleep with a stick in her hand (which she wouldn’t; I put my foot down), it would most likely fall as she slept, and when the vampire attacked her in bed, she’d be defenseless. Clearly, the goal would be to keep the vampire out altogether.

Then Impera shared another bit of wisdom. “Trixie! Vampires are creatures of habit. I read somewhere that they can’t pass a bowl of rice without sitting and counting every single one before they can move on.”

The proverbial lightbulb came on. We have rice. The vampire could be delayed long enough for Trixie to wake up and escape out her window. They ran downstairs, dumped the end of my bag of brown rice into a mug, and ran back up to Trixie’s room. Trixie then added one last touch: A craft she made at summer camp. “It’s a God’s eye, after all!” she practically sang. (Clearly, the vampire would burn itself on the God’s eye as it tried to count the grains of rice in the mug, and it would howl in pain. “Aaaaaaarghhh!”)

Since then, we have all been able to sleep soundly in our own beds. Trixie wears the cross pendant every day, the mug of rice with accompanying God’s eye stands sentinel outside her door, and, even if a vampire did happen to get past all these defenses, she could poke at it poke at it with her cuticle stick stake of eternal death.

Behold: Trixie, Vampire Delayer!

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