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Word Wednesday: Marketing

22 February 2006

I was planning to blog about how it seems that once neuroscientists get their PhDs, they have to relinquish their abilities to read simple directions (I would have said all science PhDs, but then the Consort would have taken umbrage), but that will have to wait. Because my business domain name needs to be renewed soon, and in my Inbox yesterday, I got this:

Let’s dissect this puppy, as the Consort would say.

First, the highlighting. Usually, highlighting emphasizes the best deal (especially when the text in green, right before the green highlighting arrow/bar combination, actually says “best savings.”

Is it really the best savings? No. I only save 42% if I renew for five years. I could save 57% if I went with nine years, so they are lying. (Because in my math, 57, being a larger number than 42, means that that provides a better savings. How does it work out in your math?).

–But wait! Holy mackerel! Do you see what I see? If I renew for one hundred years, I can save 70% — yes seventy percent! Oh my gee (as my younger daughter would say), what am I waiting for?

Well, let’s see. If, in 1850, I was offered a chance at investing in horse-drawn carriages, and could purchase 100 years of ownership at 70% savings, then in 50 years I would be very, very, sad.

Let’s think back, not that far. Let’s think back 15 years. Did you know some people actually used Word*Star as their word processing software? Never heard of it? That’s because you are a whipper-snapper (one of the rights of turning 38 is that you can start calling people whipper-snappers).

Even if we are generous and allow that domain name registration stays stable for twice that amount of time (30 years, if you weren’t paying attention), I will probably be out about 500 dollars. (And where do I go having $999 to spare now, anyway?)

So, what kind of idiot puts together this kind of marketing table?

The kind that won’t be getting my renewal. I’m switching to

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